What I Want to Know in Taking New clients
First, I have never liked the term “client” in therapy. A client doesn’t sound like an active participant, and therapy is an active process that someone can choose to engage in. This isn’t to say that there aren’t passive benefits or that mandatory therapy has no effect. Simply, my preference is to use the term participant.
There are many considerations in taking on a new participant. Primary amongst them is personality fit. What I have to offer as a therapist means nothing if the participant and I don’t get along. Let’s not mistake this for liking each other, though that helps, but instead for a mutual contract of respect.
They say first impressions are lasting, but I’ve found that not to be true. I gain perspective over time on the type of participant I’m working alongside. There are a few things that have helped me evaluate whether a participant and I might suit each other long-term or shorter-term, but I rarely attempt to make that assessment on the first meeting. For this reason, consultations are much more for you than they are for me.
What I do look to understand, as quickly as possible, is:
Does this participant want to actively participate in the process?
Do they have a clear sense of what change they seek?
To what degree is the desired shift internal or external?
What have they already tried?
And, did any of that work for them even a little bit?
While not having answers to the above would be totally fine and, in fact, is the favorite starting place for many therapists, I find that most people who seek me out have one or two of these answers already.
I want my participants to question me. It clarifies my own knowledge and critical reasoning skills. Being questioned, having my responses considered, and possibly rejected is very engaging. I don’t need someone to agree with me to work with them. They determine if their time with me holds value to them. I do expect exchange and engagement on most occasions we meet. However, this is not everyone’s idea of an ideal learning environment. Several people wish to move below the radar, casually soaking up whatever connects for them. I’m happy to have these participants in my groups.
I hold a fairly radical belief that we are all constantly evolving and adapting. That “self” is a verb in a state of flux; more accurately, moment-by-moment “selfing”. This fluidity can be overwhelming to contemplate. It can also be freeing and playful. Human beings are complex and also inherently cohesive. You may not be congruent and actively aware of your internal or external landscapes, and yet, they are going to make sense. At a basic level, we are all responding with the best we can.
I’m here to support your exploration.
Growth can feel awful at times.
You don’t have to do it on your own.
